- I have already exceeded my fundraising goal of $1000! I am amazed (although not surprised) at the generosity of my family.
- Simeon will be here in exactly one month!!
- My first race (Big Peach 5k) is creeping up on me - it's May 5th! I'm excited. My goal is to run the entire 3.1 miles.
- I have not had any numbness in my feet lately - yay! That has been really worrying me because I am scared of being in the middle of a race and needing to stop because my feet need a nap.
- I won the lottery for a spot in the Peachtree Road Race 10k on July 4th. I've lived in Atlanta my whole life and never even considered running this race!
Monday, April 23, 2012
April Update
Is it really the end of April already?! Sheesh. A lot has been happening lately. I have been woefully slacking at blogging which I will blame on my inhumane travel schedule. To give you an idea, in the past 7 days I have been in 5 states, 5 airports, 4 hotels, 8 airplanes, and 2 rental cars. But I've been running as much as I can. Here is what else has been going on:
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
fundraising update
Amazingly, I am only $100 away from meeting my initial fundraising goal - and the race is still six months away! I can tell you one thing - Simeon is blessed with an incredibly generous and loving family. I am amazed (although not surprised - my family is fantastic!) and how quickly I have reached this goal. Everyone has shown so much support for me and so much love and support for Simeon. It's inspiring and is giving me so much encouragement to push through! Looks like I need to set a new (bigger!) fundraising goal!
Go Team Simeon!!
Go Team Simeon!!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Progress!
I had a great past few days with my running! I've run 1.8 miles the past 2 days. I'm pretty much amazed that I have been able to do it, and that I wasn't completely exhausted at the end. My endurance has improved ten fold - I can actually run without getting so winded that I have to stop. The main problem that I'm dealing with lately is that my feet (mainly my right foot) tends to fall asleep about 20 minutes in to a run. It's super frustrating and gets really painful if it falls all the way asleep. I've done some googling (very scientific) and have concluded that it's either a) my shoes or b) very tight calf muscles. I don't think it's my shoes because I was fitted for these and have laced them ten thousand different ways. I do know that I'm very inflexible, so I'm thinking that it's the result of my super tight calf muscles. Anyway, I've added a lot of additional stretches to my pre-run warm up. So far, I've had 2 runs without my feet going numb. Hopefully it keeps improving!
Tuesday my run is 20 minutes non-stop. I'm nervous!!
In Simeon news, his parents got good news at their last ultrasound. His hydrocephaly seems to have stabilized at moderate. Also he continues to move his legs which is hopeful. His parents are doing so amazing dealing with everything and getting their home ready. We were even able to see one of those cool 3D ultrasounds of his face! I am so excited to meet Simeon in a few months!
Tuesday my run is 20 minutes non-stop. I'm nervous!!
In Simeon news, his parents got good news at their last ultrasound. His hydrocephaly seems to have stabilized at moderate. Also he continues to move his legs which is hopeful. His parents are doing so amazing dealing with everything and getting their home ready. We were even able to see one of those cool 3D ultrasounds of his face! I am so excited to meet Simeon in a few months!
Saturday, March 17, 2012
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Friday, March 9, 2012
Mental Blocks
The other day I did my longest run to date, and today I repeated that same run. I'm still following the C25k program to work on building up a good 3 mile running base. Keep in mind that I am a beginning runner...so my long run was warm up, 4 minute run, 2 minute walk, 6 minute run, 2 minute walk, 4 minute run, 2 minute walk, cool down. Sixteen total minutes of running. Before this run, the longest I'd run consecutively was 3 minutes, and that was only one time during a whole workout. I was definitely a little skeptical before I did this workout for the first time, and I'm proud to say that I did it twice! Turns out that this little program knows what it's doing.
Right now I do most of my running in the gym on the treadmill...or as I like to call it, the hamster wheel. This is largely due to my crazy schedule, the weather, and the fact that our neighborhood is full of crazy hills. Sometimes on the weekends I like to go to the park to run, but this doesn't always happen. While I'm grateful to have a gym with nice treadmills, running in the gym can be so intimidating. One, gyms are usually full of mirrors. I don't know why this is. Can you think of a single (normal) person who enjoys watching themselves workout? I know I don't. And they usually line the treadmills up along a mirrored wall, so you get the lovely angle of watching yourself from the side. Brutal.
The other reason gyms are intimidating are the people. The super fit, athletic people that I know are judging me for not being fully in shape. I seriously hate having to run next to a super fit person who is awesome at running. Today I'm in Philadelphia for work, and so I did my workout at the gym at the Philly Marriott. It's a pretty big gym for a hotel, and there are three rows of three treadmills. Lucky me, when I got there the only open treadmill was the middle treadmill in the middle row. Right in the center. Every other treadmill was occupied by a young, fit guy who had been running for approximately ten hours without getting winded. My first instinct upon seeing this? Leave. What if these guys thought I was a pathetic runner? What if they noticed that I was winded after five minutes of running? What if they were laughing at me in their heads?
Well, I didn't leave. I stayed, and I did my whole run. And I feel great! The reality of it is that those 8 guys surrounding me on their treadmills probably barely noticed me. When you're not fit, it's hard to feel like you belong in the gym. Well, I need to remember that that's ridiculous. No one ever got in shape by walking in the gym and walking right out. What matters right now is that I stick with my program, and I'm happy to say that I did just that!
Right now I do most of my running in the gym on the treadmill...or as I like to call it, the hamster wheel. This is largely due to my crazy schedule, the weather, and the fact that our neighborhood is full of crazy hills. Sometimes on the weekends I like to go to the park to run, but this doesn't always happen. While I'm grateful to have a gym with nice treadmills, running in the gym can be so intimidating. One, gyms are usually full of mirrors. I don't know why this is. Can you think of a single (normal) person who enjoys watching themselves workout? I know I don't. And they usually line the treadmills up along a mirrored wall, so you get the lovely angle of watching yourself from the side. Brutal.
The other reason gyms are intimidating are the people. The super fit, athletic people that I know are judging me for not being fully in shape. I seriously hate having to run next to a super fit person who is awesome at running. Today I'm in Philadelphia for work, and so I did my workout at the gym at the Philly Marriott. It's a pretty big gym for a hotel, and there are three rows of three treadmills. Lucky me, when I got there the only open treadmill was the middle treadmill in the middle row. Right in the center. Every other treadmill was occupied by a young, fit guy who had been running for approximately ten hours without getting winded. My first instinct upon seeing this? Leave. What if these guys thought I was a pathetic runner? What if they noticed that I was winded after five minutes of running? What if they were laughing at me in their heads?
Well, I didn't leave. I stayed, and I did my whole run. And I feel great! The reality of it is that those 8 guys surrounding me on their treadmills probably barely noticed me. When you're not fit, it's hard to feel like you belong in the gym. Well, I need to remember that that's ridiculous. No one ever got in shape by walking in the gym and walking right out. What matters right now is that I stick with my program, and I'm happy to say that I did just that!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
why I'm doing this
In my last post, I wrote about how I'm training for a half-marathon because I want to keep the weight I've lost off and to stay in shape. This is true, but there is also a bigger, more important reason behind why I've decided to train for this race, and his name is Simeon.
In November, our family was thrilled to learn that Wes' brother Greg and his wife were expecting. This would be the their first child, and Wes' mom's third grandchild. Greg & Mary Evelyn are two of the kindest, funniest, smartest, and most selfless people I know, and the thought of them being parents is just wonderful. In January, Mary Evelyn went in for her routine visit and to find out the sex of the little one. Unfortunately, they learned at this visit that their little boy has spina bifida. More specifically, Simeon has myelomeningocele, which is the most severe (and also most common) type of SB. A lot of Simeon's disabilities won't be fully known until he is born. We don't know if he will be able to walk. We don't know if he will have any brain damage, and if he does what the extent will be. All we know is that he is going to be incredibly special and very, very loved.
Our whole family has learned a lot about SB in the past few months. I've read several blogs about children born with very similar forms of SB as Simeon has, and there are a lot of things to be excited for. I already feel like this little boy has taught me so much, and he hasn't even been born yet! In my last post, I talked about my fluctuating weight. A lot of my "problems" can be boiled down to one thing - laziness. I go through phases where I'm really excited about working out, and I'll go all out. Then, as it starts to get hard, I quit. A lot of it comes down to the fact that I don't want to do the hard work required to get the results.
Now I think of Simeon. I think of someone who may never get the chance to walk, let alone run. And I think of myself, who is perfectly capable of running, but chooses to make excuses. I can't do that anymore. I can't take for granted the fact that I was blessed with a body that allows me to run. Having a child with special needs in our family is really sobering. Don't we all think that it will never happen to us? I have been angry a lot the past few months when I think about girls on "16 and Pregnant," drug addicts (and even freaking Snooki) who have perfectly healthy babies. Do they know how lucky they are? I've been thinking about how unfair it is that two amazing people who have done everything right have to go through this difficulty. I know that they will be amazing parents to Simeon. There is no doubt about that. I just know that I will never take a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child for granted.
So, long story short, I have joined Team Spina Bifida. TSB allows you to participate in any event (half marathon, marathon, triathalon) on behalf of the Spina Bifida Association. Naturally, my team is called Team Simeon. (click on the link to donate!) I'm trying to raise $1000 - and cross that finish line - in honor of Simeon. I won't be able to look at him and tell him that his aunt very well could have run, but chose not to. What greater motivation is there?
In November, our family was thrilled to learn that Wes' brother Greg and his wife were expecting. This would be the their first child, and Wes' mom's third grandchild. Greg & Mary Evelyn are two of the kindest, funniest, smartest, and most selfless people I know, and the thought of them being parents is just wonderful. In January, Mary Evelyn went in for her routine visit and to find out the sex of the little one. Unfortunately, they learned at this visit that their little boy has spina bifida. More specifically, Simeon has myelomeningocele, which is the most severe (and also most common) type of SB. A lot of Simeon's disabilities won't be fully known until he is born. We don't know if he will be able to walk. We don't know if he will have any brain damage, and if he does what the extent will be. All we know is that he is going to be incredibly special and very, very loved.
Our whole family has learned a lot about SB in the past few months. I've read several blogs about children born with very similar forms of SB as Simeon has, and there are a lot of things to be excited for. I already feel like this little boy has taught me so much, and he hasn't even been born yet! In my last post, I talked about my fluctuating weight. A lot of my "problems" can be boiled down to one thing - laziness. I go through phases where I'm really excited about working out, and I'll go all out. Then, as it starts to get hard, I quit. A lot of it comes down to the fact that I don't want to do the hard work required to get the results.
Now I think of Simeon. I think of someone who may never get the chance to walk, let alone run. And I think of myself, who is perfectly capable of running, but chooses to make excuses. I can't do that anymore. I can't take for granted the fact that I was blessed with a body that allows me to run. Having a child with special needs in our family is really sobering. Don't we all think that it will never happen to us? I have been angry a lot the past few months when I think about girls on "16 and Pregnant," drug addicts (and even freaking Snooki) who have perfectly healthy babies. Do they know how lucky they are? I've been thinking about how unfair it is that two amazing people who have done everything right have to go through this difficulty. I know that they will be amazing parents to Simeon. There is no doubt about that. I just know that I will never take a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child for granted.
So, long story short, I have joined Team Spina Bifida. TSB allows you to participate in any event (half marathon, marathon, triathalon) on behalf of the Spina Bifida Association. Naturally, my team is called Team Simeon. (click on the link to donate!) I'm trying to raise $1000 - and cross that finish line - in honor of Simeon. I won't be able to look at him and tell him that his aunt very well could have run, but chose not to. What greater motivation is there?
Monday, February 27, 2012
where do we go from here?
Here I am, four months later, for your blog-reading pleasure. I know you've all been on pins and needles.
But seriously, I've been really wondering what to do with this blog other than talk about my feelings. As you all know, I'm sans bambinos at this phase in my life. And as much as you all love me, I doubt you want weekly updates on the adorable things I do and what new words I've learned. And lets be honest, a blog about my cats would just be terrible to read. So that brings us to here.
For the past few years, I've tinkered with the idea of gearing my blog towards weight loss. The reason I never followed through with that idea was one mental hurdle I could never get past: doing a weight loss blog would mean that I was fat. Only fat people need to blog their "weight loss journey." I didn't need a journey because I just needed to lose a few pounds, needed to tone up a bit. I guess the psychoanalytical types would call that being "in denial." To be completely honest with you, I still have trouble reconciling the number of pounds I needed (still need?) to lose, and I think I'm still somewhat in denial. So why was I in denial? I mean, it's not like I don't see myself everyday and can't see the pounds stacking on to my frame. Well, for one, to admit that I was "fat" would be to admit something about myself that would frankly be very disappointing. I don't want to be the fat girl. I'd rather be "the girl who is adorable but doesn't look great in that one picture...or that one." It is much easier to say that a photograph was just taken at a bad angle, that I'm having a "fat day," that these pants just aren't flattering than to actually admit that no, it's not a bad picture - it's me. That's a hard thing to see even though it's right in front of your face. Another reason I have struggled with the idea of needed to lose weight is the idea that - if I succeed - I will be mad at myself for not succeeding sooner. Wasted opportunity and all that. Part of me is afraid to try to see how far I can go in getting in shape because it will just depress me at all the time I wasted being out of shape. Talk about pathetic excuses! But these are the things that I think about. Like every girl, I have always whined "omg I'm sooo fat." And I believed it. I said this in high school when I was a "hefty" size 4/6. And I believed it. Then, when I was struggling to button up a size 12 just a year ago, I still felt like that size 4/6 girl on the inside and just assumed that the lighting was always bad, the mirrors were screwy, or the photo was unflattering. Doesn't that seem like I'm getting the short end of the positive-body-image stick? Thanks, brain.
To sum it all up, I have been scared to admit that yes - I was (am?) fat. To be completely honest, I still don't take full ownership of it. Fat people are people I watch on The Biggest Loser and marvel at their complete lack of self-awareness. Fat people are not people that have just put on a few pounds. Slowly, however, I'm figuring out that when you "put on a few pounds" ten times over, those pounds add up pretty quickly.
So where are we now? Well for one, I'm not completely at the beginning. I started really focusing on losing weight in February of last year in anticipation of my wedding. (Did I mention I got married? I can't remember if I ever put anything about it on facebook...lolz!) The fear of tons of unflattering pictures of myself was really terrifying. So, I did Weight Watchers. My plan definitely focused more on diet that exercise - I blame that on both laziness and my insane schedule. But over the 8 months I did the program, I lost 30 lbs. Whee!! I've gained 5 or 6 pounds back since the wedding. Boo :( Those 5 lbs might still be based solely on the french toast buffet in Antigua. But I digress.
The wedding came and went and I canceled my Weight Watchers subscription. Not because I don't care about keeping the weight off, but because I absolutely.can.not diet for a living. I just can't. And I've always known that my biggest weakness is my lack of exercise. I've also always known that people who manage to not be couch potatoes actually want to eat healthier (you know, instead of forcing yourself to count calories). This led me to the novel conclusion that I needed to get up off my butt. Like, for real this time. So, in January I ran my first race - a 5k. As it was my first race, my goal was basically just doing it and not wimping out at the last minute. Good news is I did it, and my time was decent for a first time non-runner (42:46). The better news is that I really enjoyed it. I have been keeping up running since January. I'm signed up for another 5k in May, and will possibly do another one between now and then. But the craziest part of all of this is that I'm going to train for a half-marathon. Yes, you read that right. Half-marathon.
Can I do it? Who knows. I sure hope I can. I can tell you I really want it. This blog will tell my story as I build up my running base, maintain my running base, learn to make running a several-times-a-week activity, and train for a half marathon. Who's excited?!
I will leave you with some pictures. The first batch are pictures from before I started Weight Watchers. None of these pictures are things I've hidden from anyone - in fact I posted most of them on facebook. What is different now is that I'm saying that these aren't just bad pictures taken at unflattering angles. These are pictures of what I looked like then...and that's not an easy thing to admit, trust me.
But seriously, I've been really wondering what to do with this blog other than talk about my feelings. As you all know, I'm sans bambinos at this phase in my life. And as much as you all love me, I doubt you want weekly updates on the adorable things I do and what new words I've learned. And lets be honest, a blog about my cats would just be terrible to read. So that brings us to here.
For the past few years, I've tinkered with the idea of gearing my blog towards weight loss. The reason I never followed through with that idea was one mental hurdle I could never get past: doing a weight loss blog would mean that I was fat. Only fat people need to blog their "weight loss journey." I didn't need a journey because I just needed to lose a few pounds, needed to tone up a bit. I guess the psychoanalytical types would call that being "in denial." To be completely honest with you, I still have trouble reconciling the number of pounds I needed (still need?) to lose, and I think I'm still somewhat in denial. So why was I in denial? I mean, it's not like I don't see myself everyday and can't see the pounds stacking on to my frame. Well, for one, to admit that I was "fat" would be to admit something about myself that would frankly be very disappointing. I don't want to be the fat girl. I'd rather be "the girl who is adorable but doesn't look great in that one picture...or that one." It is much easier to say that a photograph was just taken at a bad angle, that I'm having a "fat day," that these pants just aren't flattering than to actually admit that no, it's not a bad picture - it's me. That's a hard thing to see even though it's right in front of your face. Another reason I have struggled with the idea of needed to lose weight is the idea that - if I succeed - I will be mad at myself for not succeeding sooner. Wasted opportunity and all that. Part of me is afraid to try to see how far I can go in getting in shape because it will just depress me at all the time I wasted being out of shape. Talk about pathetic excuses! But these are the things that I think about. Like every girl, I have always whined "omg I'm sooo fat." And I believed it. I said this in high school when I was a "hefty" size 4/6. And I believed it. Then, when I was struggling to button up a size 12 just a year ago, I still felt like that size 4/6 girl on the inside and just assumed that the lighting was always bad, the mirrors were screwy, or the photo was unflattering. Doesn't that seem like I'm getting the short end of the positive-body-image stick? Thanks, brain.
To sum it all up, I have been scared to admit that yes - I was (am?) fat. To be completely honest, I still don't take full ownership of it. Fat people are people I watch on The Biggest Loser and marvel at their complete lack of self-awareness. Fat people are not people that have just put on a few pounds. Slowly, however, I'm figuring out that when you "put on a few pounds" ten times over, those pounds add up pretty quickly.
So where are we now? Well for one, I'm not completely at the beginning. I started really focusing on losing weight in February of last year in anticipation of my wedding. (Did I mention I got married? I can't remember if I ever put anything about it on facebook...lolz!) The fear of tons of unflattering pictures of myself was really terrifying. So, I did Weight Watchers. My plan definitely focused more on diet that exercise - I blame that on both laziness and my insane schedule. But over the 8 months I did the program, I lost 30 lbs. Whee!! I've gained 5 or 6 pounds back since the wedding. Boo :( Those 5 lbs might still be based solely on the french toast buffet in Antigua. But I digress.
The wedding came and went and I canceled my Weight Watchers subscription. Not because I don't care about keeping the weight off, but because I absolutely.can.not diet for a living. I just can't. And I've always known that my biggest weakness is my lack of exercise. I've also always known that people who manage to not be couch potatoes actually want to eat healthier (you know, instead of forcing yourself to count calories). This led me to the novel conclusion that I needed to get up off my butt. Like, for real this time. So, in January I ran my first race - a 5k. As it was my first race, my goal was basically just doing it and not wimping out at the last minute. Good news is I did it, and my time was decent for a first time non-runner (42:46). The better news is that I really enjoyed it. I have been keeping up running since January. I'm signed up for another 5k in May, and will possibly do another one between now and then. But the craziest part of all of this is that I'm going to train for a half-marathon. Yes, you read that right. Half-marathon.
Can I do it? Who knows. I sure hope I can. I can tell you I really want it. This blog will tell my story as I build up my running base, maintain my running base, learn to make running a several-times-a-week activity, and train for a half marathon. Who's excited?!
I will leave you with some pictures. The first batch are pictures from before I started Weight Watchers. None of these pictures are things I've hidden from anyone - in fact I posted most of them on facebook. What is different now is that I'm saying that these aren't just bad pictures taken at unflattering angles. These are pictures of what I looked like then...and that's not an easy thing to admit, trust me.
THEN
 |
| September 2010, at my brother's wedding. It's a whole other blog post about feeling guilty for being fat at my brother's wedding... |
 |
| October 2010 |
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| September 2010. Ashamed at being fat at another friend's wedding. |
 |
| Hawaii, September 2010. |
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| June 2010. It is still very very hard for me to not think that this picture is just a bad angle. |
NOW
 |
| August 2011. I'll admit I love this picture, even if it's just the angle :) |
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| Wedding - October 2011 |
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| Pointing to my "before" picture on my iPhone |
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| Rehearsal dinner - Oct. 2011 |
 | ||
| Antigua 2011 - and my 30th Birthday! |
 | ||
| October 2011 - with the man who would never ever tell me I needed to lose weight. |
So that's where we are. I hope you'll keep up with my training adventures!
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